Is it toxic to love bomb your dead kid?
My broken heart has poured out a memoir, a book of poems, and a short film. And still, he’s not coming back. Part of me believes that once I come to terms with this thing called grief, Nicholas will be allowed to return. Crazy, I know. But I have the story of Milarepa and his demons as a template.
It feels like I’ve swallowed a case of grief bath bombs and bubbles fizz out of fingers, eyes, and my pores. Where do I put all my love for Nicholas now?
Some have suggested that I toss my love for Nicholas into his brothers. The problem with that is I’m already overflowing for them. What twenty-something-year-old wants that much of their mom in their lives?
There’s a reason the nest is supposed to be empty, and sometimes I'm not sure I know the difference between a hug and suffocating.
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I’ve been reading old YA and MG (young adult and middle grade) books as a form of self-soothing.
Star Girl by Jerry Spinelli
Love That Dog by Sharon Creech
The Book Thief by Markus Zusack
Walk Two Moons by Sharon Creech
These have a very similar theme: be true to your outrageous self no matter the consequences. Is there any deeper love than to stand in front of a line of Natzis and recite someone’s book to them as they are being marched away? Or on a lesser scale, to play the ukulele to a group of high schoolers who hate you?
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For those of you interested in where I am with:
The Trimesters of Grief - memoir - available anywhere books are sold. The audio version is being recorded right now! And on Oct 9 at 5 pm I'm having a book launch at the Explore Book Store in Aspen, Colorado; proceeds go towards Pathfinders -”Pathfinders is a Colorado non-profit psychosocial support program for cancer and chronically-ill patients, those suffering from grief and loss, caregivers, family members and the community. Our programs foster personal growth and a safe place to feel and move towards healing by focusing on the social, emotional and spiritual issues accompanying a diagnosis or loss of a loved one. “
To purchase The Trimesters of Grief:
None of Them Are You - a book of poems, out Nov. 1st. I’m hoping to see the cover reveal any moment!
Hope, MI - Short film, being edited; will submit to short film festivals when ready (if you have any contacts with short film festivals, let me know!)
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Here’s a meaningful conversation between two moms who lost kids to the opioid epidemic:
Grieving Out Loud
