Perspective Shift
The other day, I got a text from an unknown number. It included a few videos of Nicholas and some text that read: “Hey Katie, I was going through our old DVDs and found these. We’re converting everything to the cloud. Hope you and your family are doing well. - X (person’s name).”
There, frozen in time, is Nicholas, grinning.
I can’t open the videos. My emotions are so complicated. I feel
- relief that there’s still evidence of Nicholas’s life,
- hunger for his face and voice,
- anger that there are only so many videos left, and
- jealousy that this mom still has her son and I don’t.
One of my new mom friends from a grief group called around that time. She said, “God, I’m jealous. I don’t have many videos of my son.”
And just like that I got perspective.
Everything shifted to gratitude.
***
Nick and I went to Mesa Arts Center and set up my area for their Day of the Dead celebration. I’m in the old gift shop location that they’re calling “the stage,” and we’ve decorated around my table with art by Emmerson Blackaby along with my poetry.
Gratitude.
***
To order None of Them Are You, a collection of poetry from the first year of grief:
To purchase The Trimesters of Grief:
