“Rig to flip and dress to swim.” - Kelsey Pfendler
I am desperately trying to let go of my control issues, so when I stumbled upon Kelsey Pfendler, I immediately overidentified.
Kelsey Pfendler is videoing her journey as she attempts to row a simple canoe from California to Hawaii, alone. At https://yourowkelsey.com/, you can track her progress.
Part of the reason she is doing this is to raise funds for@whalefoundation, an organization whose mission is to support, restore, and celebrate the health and well-being of the Grand Canyon river guiding community.
God, is there a more beautiful cause?
Yesterday she posted a video, delighted that huge waves were forecasted - 15 footers. The video of her is here:https://www.instagram.com/p/DYxxQgaBsKf/. The ocean is a flat blanket behind her as she describes being excited for the oncoming storm.
It’s impossible not to overrelate my family’s addiction, her storm; one way to attack a storm is fear and control, another is to prepare and let go.
This morning I woke up to this:
In the comments section, I stumbled upon this:
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FWIW, Coast Guard rescue coordinators are following along here, unofficially, and wishing Kelsey a safe passage. 😎
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“We don’t see the world as it is. We see the world as we are.” - Courage to Change - an Al-Anon Reader p. 147
One way I’ve found to wipe the muck from my glasses so that I can see the world is by writing poetry. The Roethke Foundation rekindled my interest in abecedarian form. https://www.friendsofroethke.org/
Abecedarians are not only fun to say, but also magical to write. If you’re looking for a form of poem that will focus and demand insight, this is your poem. We worked on abecedarians in my grief writing group. I love them, the abecedarians and my grief group, both.
abecedarian, an ode to grief
Acid bubbles up the back of my throat every time my Dad says, “You’ve
beat this grief thing.” Because there are ghost
children that follow me everywhere. I can’t
do this life without him.
Everyone knows a mother has one job. Help your child to
flourish. But you’re
gone. in a
grave gone, leaving a trail of
grief gone
How does this new me think, move, act and breathe?
I want
justice, one last
kiss on your forehead, to say a real good-bye, beg you to stay.
‘Love never dies,’ is true - at least for
me, is it for you?
nudge me.,
Nicholas.
Never did I think this could happen. Take me. A wise woman said to
open my hand and let you go but my fingers
press on cold flesh. The story of your life is an unfinished
quilt, not even at the quarter mark, the rest a
ripped rag. Frayed
strips that dangle as if you’d been here for all
time.
Unrest
Underwater
Undulating with the waves. I pray our love
eVolves.
Witches were
X’ed at the hint of magic
y?
Zamacueca, when you last laughed without shame-Katie Rizzo
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FB gives everyone nudges, but today I got one that was a razor blade to the cornea.https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1JSrg359iW/. It’s a video Nicholas took and then tagged me on it.
I have no memory of him taking the video, but eleven years ago, my sweet son documented me giving the commencement address at our high school. Even though he was an upcoming freshman, he posted the entire talk on his personal FB account. He’d taken it in portrait mode, between the seats of those in front of him - probably so no one knew he was videoing - it looks as if he was spying on me.
When I watch it, all I hear is, “I see you, Mom.”
And I want to yell at me who is giving the speech, “Go hug your kid one last time.”
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When I get full of sadness and worry, I’ve been binge-watching Hack’s. The main character is a bBoomer who picked her career over motherhood.
Vance (the main character) said, “I missed my daughter’s first step, but that’s okay because I made it so she’d have to take twelve more.”
Her supporting actor is Gen Z, Ava Daniels, who loves public transportation, solar energy, and cringes every time issues like sexuality, race, and gender are discussed by her Bomer friend. God, she reminds me of my kids and me - “You can’t say that anymore,” Max or Joey will say. Ava’s social responsibility, married with her real-life experience, gives me hope.
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With all my fear for the world, I don’t know how to go on para anchor. I’m holding on to Facebook videos and binge-watching Hack’s.
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Exciting news.
A year ago, I participated in Aspen Words, where I met some phenomenal people, Ross Barronwww.rossbarron.com, and Laura Vosejpka. From that conference, I wrote a short film called Liminal Friend about tangible grief. Ross has agreed to direct, Laura is producing it, and we’ve brought in Brendan Babinski(www.brendanbabinski.com/contact) as our director of cinematography.
Gabriella Saker https://www.gabrielasaker.com/ has accepted the role of Maxine Mandalay. We have a fiscal sponsor for funding: Creative 360(https://www.becreative360.org/). If you’re interested in a tax-free donation, please email Laura Vosejpka - lauravosejpka@gmail.com.
More excitement:
Preorders for the Trimesters Of Grief open on June 12th anywhere books are sold and I’m offering preorder swag - see the main page at Katierizzo.com for more details!
