Happy Book Release Day (to all who participate)

This week I’ve been holding on to many truths: Nicholas is gone. My dad is getting better. And the ‘natural’ progression of parents turning into more helpless beings is hard. I completely understand how the brain prefers to slowly let go rather than do it in one giant slam.

The system of for-profit health care feels like a cruel joke.

My sister and I have been trying to help Ivan plan Dad’s return home from the hospital. Little things like hand railings and who’s contacting the rehabs are not big things. But I can blow them into life-and-death decisions. And honestly, most of the important work isn’t mine to do.

In the labyrinth halls of the hospital, I keep hoping to turn a corner and find my son. It just kills me. First, because I know it can’t happen, and then second, because it doesn’t.

Some things even in all this turmoil are great. Max and Joey have been calling at random times, and gosh, there’s nothing better than their voices. October 6th,The Trimesters of Grief finally comes out. My mom got her copy in the mail today. And I’ve been trying Donny Winter’s challenge of a poem a day for October. Give it a try - it’s actually wonderful. https://donnywinter.com/2026/10/01/oct-poem-ber-2026-a-poem-writing-challenge-for-31-days/

Here is my Halibun

Tired.

not because of the hours,

or the alarms, which we learned to silence,

or the diapers, and wiping.

Even your blank face was

almost a relief.

It is the endless planning,

coming to terms with

each terrible possibility,

ideas spinning

in the back: