Walk the dog as a miracle cure to grief
…and other lies I’ve told myself.
A long time ago, when I was in high school, they bussed a group of us, high school ‘leaders,’ to hear inspirational talks by important people.
One of the speakers was Channel 9 newscaster, Ed Sardella. He had great hair and wore shiny shoes. The speakers all sat in a semicircle up on the stage and answered questions. The questions were what you’d expect, like: What do you attribute your success to? How do you deal with stress? What is the best part of your day? What is the meaning of success?
I memorized Ed Sardella’s answers. He, sheepishly, said the same thing over and over. “I go home and walk my dog. And that half hour leaves me sane and happy.”
I’ve thought a lot about his answer lately as I’ve been interviewed. My book, the Trimesters of Grief, is available for preorder. If you don’t know, which I didn’t, that preorder numbers are important because they combine into day-one sales. And that number informs the algorithm on which books sellers will promote. So I’ve been going on podcasts hoping to increase presales.
An interviewer on a podcast recently said, “It’s only been what, almost two years? You’re still in early grief.”
This is a difficult question to respond to on many levels.
First, where’s the question?
Second, there’s an implied statement: wait a few years, and it will get better.
David Kessler says, unless my loved one is coming back, time can’t “make it better.” I don’t think time is a balm to all wounds.
And my book is not a guide on how to “get over grief.” I’m not claiming to have the grief cure, or a list of grief hacks.
This book is a memoir: It circles two facts: Nicholas died, and I love him. That is all I know.
September 17, 2024, grief burrowed into my body and grew. Then I had to ask it to sit next to me rather than burst out of my skin.
Much of what I used to believe before Nicholas died turned to horseshit. Things don’t happen for a reason, bad things do happen to good people, and working hard, being kind, and keeping an open heart didn’t save me.
This is a book about how people showed up for my family, even though they weren’t the one we wanted. And we were heartbroken and grateful.
I’ve thought a lot about Ed Sardella from 9 News over the years. I’m not sure what was going on with him that day that he didn’t want to give us more than a surface answer.
When people say, You’re in early grief; it will get better, or it will change. I want to give them an Ed Sardella answer. I want to tell them that the cure to grief is a half-hour walk with your dogs. Ed’s answer makes so much sense to me now.
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I had the opportunity to talk about one of my favorite topics, Nicholas, on the Cappy Hour -
If you’re interested in preordering, The Trimesters of Grief is available anywhere books are sold.
